Tuesday, August 26, 2008
Time off
Last week and for half of this one, DH has taken time off from work. Because he works alone - and his business closes only for 3 day weekends a couple times a year, it is really hard for him to shut down. The opportunity cost seems to kill him each time. This week however, has been terrific. Even though I am up early to go to the doctors office and then to my office every day - it is wonderful to come home to a relaxed, happy and smiling husband. Every day. I hope some of it sticks around when he goes back to work on Thursday.
Medication Update
Saturday morning: Just Bloodwork
Saturday night: 5 units Lupron, 75 Menopur, 33 Follistim
Sunday morning: Bloodwork and Ultrasound; Doc said maybe 3 more days - Friday for retrieval? Caveat: Last two IVFs the same doc was off on his predictions by about 2 days.
Sunday night: 5 units Lupron, 75 Menopur, 33 Follistim
Monday morning: Bloodwork and Ultrasound; Same Doc said maybe 2-3 more days - Friday/Saturday for retrieval
Monday night: 5 units Lupron, 75 Menopur, NO Follistim
Saturday night: 5 units Lupron, 75 Menopur, 33 Follistim
Sunday morning: Bloodwork and Ultrasound; Doc said maybe 3 more days - Friday for retrieval? Caveat: Last two IVFs the same doc was off on his predictions by about 2 days.
Sunday night: 5 units Lupron, 75 Menopur, 33 Follistim
Monday morning: Bloodwork and Ultrasound; Same Doc said maybe 2-3 more days - Friday/Saturday for retrieval
Monday night: 5 units Lupron, 75 Menopur, NO Follistim
Friday, August 22, 2008
Good Practice
For the last two days I have been up at 5 am - a time that is way early for me. I need to catch the 551am train in order to make it to the clinic by 7 for bloodwork and ultrasound. Before you ask, yes, the clinic is nice enough to be available from 7-8:30 for those services. They even took me at 9 am when I overslept for my Day3 bloodwork. However, the clinic is very popular. And has more patients than phlebotomists or docs for ultrasounds. So - those arriving at 7:30 find a waiting room with 50+ women - and a wait of an hour or more. So - yawn - here I am...pretending to be a morning person for the next week or so.
No change in meds last night: 5 units lupron, 150 units Follistim and 75 units Menopur
No change in meds last night: 5 units lupron, 150 units Follistim and 75 units Menopur
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Stress Reduction
During this entire baby making process I have done what I can to reduce stress in my life. Not an easy task between my job and the business my husband is building! This time around however I am /was determined to succeed. I am doing acupuncture at least twice a week. I am meditating and saying the rosary (or part of it anyway) at least once a day. I am leaving work early if there is nothing going on in the office. I have even convinced (I hope) DH that his first thought before saying anything should be "How can I make CJ's life easier?"
Then, I go to work. Today we had a meeting to review my new video. The result of the session was more positive than negative - the process to get there was Brutal - with - a - capital - B. And I couldn't help but laugh at myself , when, in the middle of this very intense discussion I suddenly thought...if this was the week after ET there is NO WAY I would be here!
The meeting and its aftermath cemented my decision to take the week after ET off from work and go visit my family up north. I had been thinking about it anyway. Two of my four pregnancies (the two that lasted longest) came right around the time that I was visiting with family. The thought has crossed my mind that the relaxation and happiness I feel around them might help with the process. I think it falls under the "can't hurt, might help" area of infertility treatment. Plus DH will be very busy with the beginning of a month / last month of the quarter and avoiding that stress as much as possible could also be a good thing.
The only thing left to decide is : when? Based on my last two IVF cycles I should stim for 12 days, making ER on Saturday 8/30. With co-culture, I automatically qualify for a Day 3 Transfer, making ET on 9/2. The undecided variable - bed rest. The docs at my clinic do not require bedrest, they merely suggest that you take it easy for a couple of days. Does a 4 hour drive up north qualify as "taking it easy?" Not sure yet - but hoping I decide that it is! I can't imagine a place where I would be more relaxed...just thinking about it has put a smile on my face.
Then, I go to work. Today we had a meeting to review my new video. The result of the session was more positive than negative - the process to get there was Brutal - with - a - capital - B. And I couldn't help but laugh at myself , when, in the middle of this very intense discussion I suddenly thought...if this was the week after ET there is NO WAY I would be here!
The meeting and its aftermath cemented my decision to take the week after ET off from work and go visit my family up north. I had been thinking about it anyway. Two of my four pregnancies (the two that lasted longest) came right around the time that I was visiting with family. The thought has crossed my mind that the relaxation and happiness I feel around them might help with the process. I think it falls under the "can't hurt, might help" area of infertility treatment. Plus DH will be very busy with the beginning of a month / last month of the quarter and avoiding that stress as much as possible could also be a good thing.
The only thing left to decide is : when? Based on my last two IVF cycles I should stim for 12 days, making ER on Saturday 8/30. With co-culture, I automatically qualify for a Day 3 Transfer, making ET on 9/2. The undecided variable - bed rest. The docs at my clinic do not require bedrest, they merely suggest that you take it easy for a couple of days. Does a 4 hour drive up north qualify as "taking it easy?" Not sure yet - but hoping I decide that it is! I can't imagine a place where I would be more relaxed...just thinking about it has put a smile on my face.
How quickly the exotic becomes mundane
After day 3 bloodwork and ultrasound in the morning and accupuncture in the afternoon, we started with stims last night. This time around I am on a new protocol - slightly less medication because my response was too fast last time. 5 units of lupron, 150 of Follistim and 75 of Menopur. I cringe as I write this - but it is like riding a bike, you just don't forget how to do it.
I have become an expert at filling the syringes and mixing the menopur - I could do it in my sleep. DH is an expert at giving the shots. He takes particular pride in delivering a blood free injection - and has developed quite a technique - after 12 days of Lupron and one day of stims I only have 1 bruise. I remember the very first night of stims in my first IVF - we were so nervous. It took close to 15 minutes to set up the syringes and another 5 to give the injections. Last night the whole thing took a little over 5 minutes. Of all the things I imagined I would become an expert at in life - infertililty injections were never one of them!
I have become an expert at filling the syringes and mixing the menopur - I could do it in my sleep. DH is an expert at giving the shots. He takes particular pride in delivering a blood free injection - and has developed quite a technique - after 12 days of Lupron and one day of stims I only have 1 bruise. I remember the very first night of stims in my first IVF - we were so nervous. It took close to 15 minutes to set up the syringes and another 5 to give the injections. Last night the whole thing took a little over 5 minutes. Of all the things I imagined I would become an expert at in life - infertililty injections were never one of them!
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Here we go again.
Today is Day One. Again. With mixed feelings I approach IVF#3. I am trying not to care too much - trying to treat this as just another shot - trying to visualize the positive outcome - and succeeding only in giving myself a stomach ache. While I am excited to begin again, I am not looking forwrd to the bloating and weight gain.
Lately my weight gain has really started to distress me. I am waffling between 146 and 151 on a regular basis this cycle. To put it in perspective - at 21 weeks pregnant with my son I was only 154. The extra weight and lethargy disgust me - but I can't seem to do anything about it. I keep promising myself that tomorrow, next week, next cycle will be better. I will diet better, exercise more...you get the picture. And yet I never seem to get there.
So, with little fanfare and much trepidation, we begin again. Wish us luck.
Lately my weight gain has really started to distress me. I am waffling between 146 and 151 on a regular basis this cycle. To put it in perspective - at 21 weeks pregnant with my son I was only 154. The extra weight and lethargy disgust me - but I can't seem to do anything about it. I keep promising myself that tomorrow, next week, next cycle will be better. I will diet better, exercise more...you get the picture. And yet I never seem to get there.
So, with little fanfare and much trepidation, we begin again. Wish us luck.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Waiting...still
I am an aunt - again. The newest baby arrived on Tuesday - the seventh granddaughter out of eight grandchildren for my mom and dad. Baby R2 arrived weighing over 7 lbs and with a shock of black hair that can only make you laugh. I look forward to meeting her over Labor Day weekend.
I couldn't be happier for my sister and brother-in-law. At the same time, now that the baby is a couple days old I can't help but count up that she is the fourth niece to arrive since my first m/c. I try not to spend much time focused on it because it literally takes my breath away. How could so much time have passed with no success in our efforts to build a family? I continue to be absolutely convinced that we will have children together - but at moments like this, the doubts are finally starting to creep in. If this next IVF doesn't work, I don't know what I will do.
Speaking of which - I am still waiting...for the next step in this IVF process. Today is day 10 on Lupron - my period should arrive within a couple days. After that we get serious with stims and will be on our way.
I couldn't be happier for my sister and brother-in-law. At the same time, now that the baby is a couple days old I can't help but count up that she is the fourth niece to arrive since my first m/c. I try not to spend much time focused on it because it literally takes my breath away. How could so much time have passed with no success in our efforts to build a family? I continue to be absolutely convinced that we will have children together - but at moments like this, the doubts are finally starting to creep in. If this next IVF doesn't work, I don't know what I will do.
Speaking of which - I am still waiting...for the next step in this IVF process. Today is day 10 on Lupron - my period should arrive within a couple days. After that we get serious with stims and will be on our way.
Sunday, August 10, 2008
"Ding Ding" - Round Three
Thursday was the biopsy for my co culture. The procedure was very simple - and fast. I needed to provide several tubes of blood on Wednesday to support the culture. Thursday I arrived in the office at 10:45. I had barely sat down when the nurse called my name. She took me in back - I signed some paperwork and undressed in the procedure room. The doc came in and scraped some cells from my uterine lining in about 15 seconds worth of work. I experienced some minor cramping - but nothing worse than a period. By 10:57 I was dressed and hailing a cab to go back to work! Piece of cake!
Thursday night was the first night of Lupron shots - 10 units once a day until my period arrives. With IVF #3, the danger is not in the shots - it is in forgetting to do the shots. Who would have ever thought that having DH stick me with a needle on a daily basis would become routine?
I will know better after I talk to the nurse when I go for Day 3 bloodwork but based on my (now experienced) calculations I am guessing that this cycle will play out as follows:
8/7 - Begin Lupron
8/14 - Day 1
8/16 - Start Stims
8/28 or 8/29 - Retrieval
8/31 or 9/1 - Transfer
Thursday night was the first night of Lupron shots - 10 units once a day until my period arrives. With IVF #3, the danger is not in the shots - it is in forgetting to do the shots. Who would have ever thought that having DH stick me with a needle on a daily basis would become routine?
I will know better after I talk to the nurse when I go for Day 3 bloodwork but based on my (now experienced) calculations I am guessing that this cycle will play out as follows:
8/7 - Begin Lupron
8/14 - Day 1
8/16 - Start Stims
8/28 or 8/29 - Retrieval
8/31 or 9/1 - Transfer
Return from Vacation
My anticipation of the three day mini vacation was well placed. We had a wonderful time - perhaps the best three days spent with my family in NH ever.
Knock wood, I think we finally have a good routine. For the first time we stayed in a hotel rather than at the family homestead. DH is horribly allergic to animals and my sister and brother both bring thier dogs to visit with some regularity. Staying overnight elsewhere reduced a lot of the pressure - and the allergies that DH regularly felt. Addititionally, my Mom got in the game this summer and hired a professional cleaning service to scrub the house from top to bottom. All of the rugs were rolled up - anything that could house pet hair removed. The result was a relaxed and happy husband who truly enjoyed a much needed break. And for me - a sense of peace and joy that he could finally enjoy a place that I love more than any other.
We even had an enjoyable drive home. We left about 1pm, hit some traffic on the Pike and made it home by 5:30. We had great conversations - about much of nothing - the whole way - and DH didn't say a word about the traffic - yet another clue that he was truely relaxed.
Knock wood, I think we finally have a good routine. For the first time we stayed in a hotel rather than at the family homestead. DH is horribly allergic to animals and my sister and brother both bring thier dogs to visit with some regularity. Staying overnight elsewhere reduced a lot of the pressure - and the allergies that DH regularly felt. Addititionally, my Mom got in the game this summer and hired a professional cleaning service to scrub the house from top to bottom. All of the rugs were rolled up - anything that could house pet hair removed. The result was a relaxed and happy husband who truly enjoyed a much needed break. And for me - a sense of peace and joy that he could finally enjoy a place that I love more than any other.
We even had an enjoyable drive home. We left about 1pm, hit some traffic on the Pike and made it home by 5:30. We had great conversations - about much of nothing - the whole way - and DH didn't say a word about the traffic - yet another clue that he was truely relaxed.
Thursday, July 31, 2008
V-A-C-A-T-I-O-N
My mini vacation (one day off and a three day trip to New Hampshire) begins right now. I am on the 3:48 train home. GolferBoy and I will be leaving around 7 this evening for the four hour trip to the beach. Everyone expects us tomorrow evening - so it will be a nice surprise (I hope) for them to see us early.
In IVF news - I talked to both the coordinator and my nurse today. I start Lupron on 8/7 and will have my co culture the same day. One more step forward.
In IVF news - I talked to both the coordinator and my nurse today. I start Lupron on 8/7 and will have my co culture the same day. One more step forward.
The First Step Forward...
I got it! Today the OPKs finally showed surge. I will call the doctors office today - and if all goes according to plan with have my uterine culture next Thursday (8/7) and should start Lupron the same day. IVF #3 here we come.
On a separate topic - Danny over at Dad Gone Mad had a great post yesterday. (http://www.dadgonemad.com/2008/07/things-that-jus.html) His rants were very funny - but funnier still were the comments of his readers. There are some seriously pissed off people out there. They rant at thier mother, father, in-laws, kids, neighbors - you name it. I thought about posting a rant - but my vitriole could never match the level of these folks. Guys - maybe you wouldn't be so upset if you didn't rant so much. Life ain't that bad.
On a separate topic - Danny over at Dad Gone Mad had a great post yesterday. (http://www.dadgonemad.com/2008/07/things-that-jus.html) His rants were very funny - but funnier still were the comments of his readers. There are some seriously pissed off people out there. They rant at thier mother, father, in-laws, kids, neighbors - you name it. I thought about posting a rant - but my vitriole could never match the level of these folks. Guys - maybe you wouldn't be so upset if you didn't rant so much. Life ain't that bad.
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Waiting
The contradiction of infertility with AMA...Hurry up and have a baby before it is too late...but wait....for timed tests, to ovulate, or for ER, the dreaded 2WW and then the wait to start all over again.
It feels like for the past 3 years all I have done is wait!
Even when I was pregnant the waiting didn't end - wait until your first ultrasound, wait until you hear a heartbeat, wait until you pass the first trimester, wait until you feel the baby kick...unfortunately I have never been past that point.
And so I continue to wait...
It feels like for the past 3 years all I have done is wait!
Even when I was pregnant the waiting didn't end - wait until your first ultrasound, wait until you hear a heartbeat, wait until you pass the first trimester, wait until you feel the baby kick...unfortunately I have never been past that point.
And so I continue to wait...
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Has the experiment failed?
Clearly, in the short term the answer is a resounding "yes!". What seemed like a great idea at the beginning of my last IVF cycle...went the way of the dodo bird with the interruptions of work, IVF and general laziness.
And so I try again...
We are about to embark on IVF #3. After a great response from #1* and #2** - both with BFNs the doc is recommending a new protocol. Something called co-culture. Apparently for patients with multiple failed IVFs, this protocol has a success rate of close to 40%. Between 5 and 10 days after ovulation the doc performs a (painless?) procedure where he scrapes a could of cells from my uterine lining. These cells are cultured - and used as a nice comfy bed on which to grow my embryos from the next cycle. It appears that the comfy bed of Mommy's uterine lining cells can make the babies very happy...and increase likelyhood of implantation. Once can only hope.
*IVF#1 - 13 oocytes, 11 embryos, 3 transfered (1 9-celland 2 8 cell) and BFN! (One light - a single frostie to keep our hopes up!)
**IVF #2 - 13 oocytes, 10 embryos, 4 transferred (2 8 cell and 2 7 cell) and BFN again - no frosties.
And so I try again...
We are about to embark on IVF #3. After a great response from #1* and #2** - both with BFNs the doc is recommending a new protocol. Something called co-culture. Apparently for patients with multiple failed IVFs, this protocol has a success rate of close to 40%. Between 5 and 10 days after ovulation the doc performs a (painless?) procedure where he scrapes a could of cells from my uterine lining. These cells are cultured - and used as a nice comfy bed on which to grow my embryos from the next cycle. It appears that the comfy bed of Mommy's uterine lining cells can make the babies very happy...and increase likelyhood of implantation. Once can only hope.
*IVF#1 - 13 oocytes, 11 embryos, 3 transfered (1 9-celland 2 8 cell) and BFN! (One light - a single frostie to keep our hopes up!)
**IVF #2 - 13 oocytes, 10 embryos, 4 transferred (2 8 cell and 2 7 cell) and BFN again - no frosties.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
The Beginning
Today marks the beginning of an experiment.
Can I create a blog that is of interest to myself - never mind others?
Can I share intimate thoughts within the anonymity of the very public internet?
My plan today is to document some of the challenges of my second IVF cycle. I am neither witty nor wise but hope that the stresses of this process will be mitigated by talking it out in cyberspace.
We shall see.
Can I create a blog that is of interest to myself - never mind others?
Can I share intimate thoughts within the anonymity of the very public internet?
My plan today is to document some of the challenges of my second IVF cycle. I am neither witty nor wise but hope that the stresses of this process will be mitigated by talking it out in cyberspace.
We shall see.
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